Land of Lost Humor
  (Archive 1)
Copyrighted Material - all rights reserved

The Nazi U-boat fleet was defeated when American agents sold them baking soda instead of baking powder. They could not form bubbles and surface.

Egyptologists recently found heiroglyphics near the tomb area in the valley of the kings. The first characters translated as "Mummies for Dummies".

Successful businessman offered free shoeshine... charged double for 2nd shoe.

Poor welfare recipients and wealthy capitalists want the same thing - "money for doin' nothing".

Bats look ugly to us, but I bet they look beautiful in radar. (*email Charlie if you need an explaination).

I saw the movie The Help. I can't believe they hired african-american actresses to play the maids.. it just re-enforces the stereotype. They should have used gay white males. Or am I missing the point?

When I get to the pearly gates I'm telling St. Peter- "Hey, what happens on earth, stays on earth". Maybe that will help.

..If it was Global Cooling I bet people would respond to the problem.

..If people would just slow down, they could maybe keep up with me.

..Our ancestors must have worked their tails off.

New I-Pads
.. I didn't like hanging out with the lumberjacks..they all have an axe to grind.

..I just did a quick calculation => if I quit drinking I could buy a new car.

..Charlie on Wheel-of-Fortune: I'll take an F Pat, I'll buy a vowel- U, spin..I'll take ..a C, spin.. I'll take a K.  Pat- "we can't do that Charlie, we just can't do that now".

Remember when President Bush was in China and told their leader - "Chairman Jintao, tear down this wall". It did not have the same impact as Reagan had in Berlin.

There are no advanced alien civilizations out in space. They evolve to the point of making a Large Hadron Collider and then blow themselves up.

Due to a typing error, Nosmo King became a famous man in many gymnasiums.

I was saddened at Whitney Houston's passing last week. As of today I have heard clips of  "I will always love you.." 48 times.

If  women play pro football they are going to have to hike the ball sideways, standing up... otherwise-> awkward.

Advice: If someone is trying to run you down with a car, use your ability to moonwalk to fake out the aggressor and escape.

When the NY Giants Victor Cruz scored the first touchdown in the Superbowl, the crowd yelled his name, but it sounded like booing - cruuuuzzzz. He should change his name to Victor Yea or Victor Rah!

New Years we "drop the ball"...probably not a good way to start the year (Thanks Elaine).

Calendar for Tortises- just the year.

  My idea for a chia pet 

Graffiti: "Eat crap and bark at the moon"
I added: "and regale in ethereal bliss"

At a recent Republican debate they were discussing whether water boarding is torture. Looks like fun to me.

Did I get this right- Osama Bin Laden was watching Celebrity Apprentice when he was killed and eaten by seals.

Royal Wedding: If Harry married another guy.. that would have been a noteworthy event.

A Green and Humanitarian effort- I'm sending a semi load of CFL flourescent bulbs to the Sudan.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested for grand she must have taken exactly $1000. Petty theft must be stealing a petticoat or kidnapping Tom Petty. A contractor repairing the foundation of a mini-mall could be arrested for shoplifting.