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Nazi U-boat fleet was defeated when American agents sold them baking
soda instead of baking powder. They could not form bubbles and surface.
recently found heiroglyphics near the tomb area in the valley of the
kings. The first characters translated as "Mummies for Dummies".
Successful businessman offered free shoeshine... charged double for 2nd
Poor welfare recipients and wealthy capitalists want the same thing - "money for doin' nothing".
Bats look ugly to us, but I bet they look beautiful in radar. (*email Charlie if you need an explaination).
I saw the movie The Help.
I can't believe they hired african-american actresses to play the
maids.. it just re-enforces the stereotype. They should have used gay
white males. Or am I missing the point?
When I get to the pearly
gates I'm telling St. Peter- "Hey, what happens on earth, stays on
earth". Maybe that will help.
..If it was Global Cooling I bet people would respond to the problem.
..If people would just slow down, they could maybe keep up with me.
..Our ancestors must have worked their tails off.
.. I didn't like hanging out with the lumberjacks..they all have an axe to
..I just did a quick calculation => if I quit drinking I could buy
a new car.
on Wheel-of-Fortune: I'll take an F Pat, I'll buy a vowel- U,
spin..I'll take ..a C, spin.. I'll take a K. Pat- "we can't do
Charlie, we just can't do that now".
when President Bush was in China and told their leader - "Chairman
Jintao, tear down this wall". It did not have the same impact as
Reagan had in Berlin.There
are no advanced alien civilizations out in space. They evolve to the
point of making a Large Hadron Collider and then blow themselves up.
Due to a typing error, Nosmo King became a famous man in many gymnasiums.
I was saddened at Whitney
Houston's passing last week. As of today I have heard clips of "I
will always love you.." 48 times.
If women play pro football they are going to have to hike the ball sideways, standing up... otherwise-> awkward.
Advice: If someone is trying to run you down with a car, use your ability to moonwalk to fake out the aggressor and escape.
When the NY
Giants Victor Cruz scored the first touchdown in the Superbowl,
the crowd yelled his name, but it sounded like booing - cruuuuzzzz. He
should change his name to Victor Yea or Victor Rah!
New Years we "drop the ball"...probably not a good way to start the year (Thanks Elaine).
Calendar for Tortises- just the year.
My idea for a chia pet
Graffiti: "Eat crap and bark at the moon"
I added: "and regale in ethereal bliss"
a recent Republican debate they were discussing whether water boarding
is torture. Looks like fun to me.
Did I get this right- Osama Bin Laden was watching
Celebrity Apprentice when he was killed and eaten by seals.
If Harry married another guy.. that would have been a noteworthy event.
A Green and
Humanitarian effort- I'm sending a semi load of CFL flourescent bulbs
to the Sudan.
Lindsay Lohan was arrested for grand theft..so she must have taken
exactly $1000. Petty theft must be
stealing a petticoat or kidnapping Tom Petty. A contractor repairing
the foundation of a mini-mall
could be arrested for shoplifting.